


You Are Not An Innocent

by chaoticrandomness



Series: Wake Up And Remember [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Name Changes, Reincarnation, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 04:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4465742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticrandomness/pseuds/chaoticrandomness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a few of the nations are reincarnated as people. Written for http://wanderingthroughwickford.tumblr.com/</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Not An Innocent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WanderingThroughWickford](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingThroughWickford/gifts).



My life can be split into two phases. Before I remembered everything, and after. 

 

* * *

 

 

I only ran into the kid because Natalie told me that she was being deployed overseas and I wanted to distract myself from thinking about her death. I guess I should blame her for the mess that occurred, but she had absolutely nothing to do with anything that happened. 

 

I shouldn't blame the kid, either. I already did enough horrible stuff to him. 

 

Anyways, I was walking to the park while scrolling through pictures on my phone, hoping that sunflowers and cats would distract me from thinking about her potential death and absence for who knows how long, when a short blond kid in a red jacket crashed into me. 

 

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, but I was surrounded by screams and desperate pleads for leniency, even though the kid and I were the only two people in this park and neither one of us was holding a whip.

 

_Why would I hurt this kid, anyways? He just walked into me, and I'm trying to... murder... him..._

 

_Granted, he's immortal and I'm immortal, so neither one of us could've died, even though that's not possible and why the hell am I beating him and why am I standing on a balcony with a gun shooting at random peaceful civilians and why-_

 

"Where are your parents?" I asked, hoping to pull myself out of the sudden rush of memories. The kid didn't answer, and I didn't know if it was because he didn't have them or they were abusing him or if he was afraid of  _me,_ because I was assaulting him and invading him and murdering random people again, like I had no idea that it was wrong to murder people back then...

 

_Ask Kat about this. She'll know what to do when stuck with an abused kid. Unfortunately, he's stranded with you, and who knows what you'll do to him. You're sure you won't go back to trying to turn him into a living doll?_

 

"Hello?! Kat? I have a kid with me who is either being abused by his parents or won't talk to me; do you have any tips?!" I screamed into the phone as the kid and I collapsed on a bench, memories rushing through me at the speed of light. 

 

* * *

 

 

_Who haven't you killed?_

 

_Between all of those cyclical revolutions and murders and beatings and pretty much everything you did while in that house, your body count is in the millions._

 

_My sister's corpse is lying in front of me, and all I can think about are how some sacrifices must be made for the greater good, even if-_

 

"STOP! YOU'RE NOT ME!" I exclaimed, as my sister walked to the bench. 

 

_Wrong. This was you, Issac. Look at what happened._

 

_No, you've got that wrong, I can't have been a crazy mass-murdering stalker and abuser with no genuine idea of morality and no memory and no-_

 

"Issac, I'm going to look him up, for there's no one else here and he isn't responding to me either. Did he tell you his name?" my sister asked, cutting off my train on thought. 

 

"Raivis." I answered, as the world turned to complete darkness. 

 

* * *

 

_Burn them all. Burn the dissent and burn the dissenters and ignore the little tiny pinpricks of pain every time someone died for your ideals._

 

I opened my eyes to my room, which was filled with sunflowers and history books, for I'd always been drawn to them....

 

_You wanted to live peacefully with your plants. Well, too bad, since you're a mass-murderer with no memory who stalks his victims and doesn't quite understand that it's wrong to abuse people..._

 

I grabbed a random book and flipped it open to a random page. 

 

_The Singing Revolution occurred-_

 

_Stop the music and stop the line and meet the peace with violence and murder, for yes it is okay to abuse people and illegally take them over and ignore everything wrong you've ever done and assume that they'd love you even after beating them and torturing them and forcibly indoctrinating them and assaulting them..._

 

No matter what books I grabbed or what pages I turned to, I kept ending with with waves of memories, waves of murder and violence and destruction...

 

* * *

 

 

I have to die. For all I've learned and all I've done, that's the only answer. 

 

It's like watching those TV shows on serial killers and going into their lives and their psyches and how they were just perfectly ordinary people with depressing pasts, but that doesn't justify a single thing, for I am the killer in the documentary and I should die...

 

_Slash._

 

I am drawing on my back. I don't even know what I'm writing, but it's a confession. A confession of who I was and what I did and how absolutely no one should find anything justifiable. 

 

_No wonder you've been so drawn to history._

 

_You were a country back then, one that went through loss and turbulence and pain like the others, yet only you because such a madman..._

 

Someone screams as everything goes black again, but it doesn't matter if it's real or fake. Besides, no one has any reason to save me. 

 

* * *

 

 

"What the hell were you doing, Issac?! I didn't want to lose both of you in the same day!" Kat exclaims as I wake up in the hospital, and she's there with the kid from earlier. 

 

_The one you said reminded you of yourself back then, even as you beat him and enslaved him and turned him into yourself, but he didn't fall like you did..._

 

  
"Why are you here?" I ask, for she has no reason to be within a 90-miles radius of me and the kid has a restraining order against me which I never cared about back then, so-

 

"....could you please take my son out for a few minutes? I need to talk to my brother." my sister says, cutting off my train of thought, and she's always been so maternal, even back then with people she probably should've realized were completely insane, but love is irrational and love is dangerous and love drives you to abuse people, for they had to-

 

"You've adopted him?" I ask, attempting to stop thinking about the past.

 

"No one's tried to find him, and there're absolutely no matches for his name, DNA, and fingerprints anywhere. It's like he just fell from the sky and landed on you." she answers. 

 

_You remember everything, Kat. Then you should know why I did it._

 

"...anyways, why the hell did you do it?!" she exclaims. 

 

"Because I'm a dangerous person with a predisposition towards abusive behavior." I answer. 

 

"You are my younger brother who studies European history and treats his sunflowers like his children." she quips, as his my current state of normalcy could make up for the psychopath sticking out of the back of my head, the one I could've become if only a few dominoes fell differently...

 

"That's like saying that a serial killer isn't a bad person because they had people who loved them." I counter, for I need to be put in a place where I will never hurt anyone again...

 

"You haven't killed anyone." she says, like it's such a blatantly obvious fact, but it's just a lie...

 

"I have. Ever since the kid ran into me, I've started remembering another me..." I say. 

 

_I'm not insane, Kat. Please trust me, even though you have no reason to..._

 

"...oh, that? Did you... ever remember the part where you found out why we even ended up as normal people in the first place?" she asks, and I have no clue what she's talking about, but if she knows everything, the safest course of action would be to kill me.

 

"No." I answer. 

 

"Back then, a man stumbled into God. God, to make up for his previous behavior towards the man, asked him to make a wish. The man wished that all of us could be released from our lives as nations, and given a chance to live as normal humans." she says, and this story is real, all of it is, like that time a girl fell into the meeting and mistook me for her boyfriend and I ended up attempting to creatively murder her...

 

_He had no reason to tell me anything. But he did._

 

_Why did he tell me? All I did was abuse him._

 

"You are not who you once were, Issac. Neither am I, nor our sister." Kat says, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. The kid comes back after she says that, and she leaves with him.

 

* * *

 

 

_Why did he do it?_

 

_Out of every single wish he could've made, why go with that one? Why become mortal and ordinary?_

 

_Because you envied humans. Humans have free will and aren't subject to the whims of crazy people and can love and befriend without worry of death and don't have to fight in every single war ever happening and aren't perpetual witnesses to every one of the world's atrocities._

 

_This is a second chance, Issac. A chance for you to rise above who you were._

 

I am still an ordinary student who studies European history and lives in America and has a sister in the military and another who works with children. I ran into a child today, who ended up triggering all of my memories from before to come back and who my sister adopted.

 

No mater what I remember, I am not who I once was.  

 

 

 


End file.
